Hillary Clinton Sues Barack Obama

The Clinton Campaign announced today they plan on filing a lawsuit against Barack Obama and his campaign. They will also be seeking an injunction early Monday morning to prevent him from following through with his scheduled interviews the day before the Michigan primary.

The Clinton campaign became suspicious immediately following Hillary’s unexpected win in New Hampshire. The Clinton Machine was made aware that Obama hired a couple of heavy hitting consultants for his campaign staff.

The first hired gun was former Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco, who, during a news conference after Hurricane Katrina, broke down and began crying and wringing her hands on national television.

The second hired gun was Cris Crocker. Crocker became internationally famous for his YouTube video titled “Leave Britney Alone.” He set the standard on how a “man” should cry in front of the camera.

“It became glaringly obvious with the Obama campaign’s hiring of these two professional criers where this was going,” said a Clinton insider. “We knew they were going to try and pilfer intellectual property, trade secrets and various other things that are proprietary to Hillary Clinton.”

The Clinton insider went on to elaborate, “Obama has 5 televised interviews scheduled, with 4 of them being orchestrated crying sessions. We know this for a fact. These interviews are purposely scheduled to run concurrent with Clinton’s 2 scheduled crying interviews, 1 laughing interview, and one get tough interview.”

Bill Clinton, while being interviewed by Hillary disciple Chris Matthews, said he was furious at not only the replication of his wife’s Plan B strategy after losing the Iowa Caucus but by the timing of the weeping sessions. He also added, “We have been backed into a corner and have no option but to take unprecedented legal action. They are essentially stealing from us.”

Clinton articulated the infractions against his wife, ” The Obama campaign is systematically committing copyright infringement, theft of trade secrets, and theft of intellectual and proprietary property. And by wantonly scheduling his interviews at the same time as Hillary’s is nothing short of tortuous interference.” Clinton went on to state,”I am so livid about these egregious acts, that if my law license hadn’t been revoked, I would sue him myself.”

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for Obama stated “We have it on good authority that this may have been the first time Clinton has ever cried. We are 100% sure it was staged and are prepared to prove it. We just took a page from the Clinton play book. She may have interviewed Obama’s kindergarten teacher to learn that he wanted to be president at the age of 5, and used it against him, but we spoke with Dr. Benjiman Chapman. Dr. Chapman was the physician who delivered Hillary. He stated that as soon as she was born, he delivered a slap on the bottom, being less than a minute old, she shot him an icy glare rather than cry.”

When informed of the Obama rebuttal and their evidence about Hillary’s using crying as a last ditch effort to stay in the running, Bill Clinton said, “That is a lie and if anyone knows a lie it is me. That is why these things have to be stopped before they get out of control. The next thing you know, Obama will try to allege he is blacker than we are.”